A few weeks ago I was chatting with one of my “pool friends” who said, in almost a desperate voice, that she had been spending nearly every night on her front porch, long after her kids and even her husband had gone to bed, because she was “soaking up every last minute of summer”. There was a sense of dread and panic in her voice as she gestured wildly around our happy place – the pool nestled in the mountains and under blue sky with the sounds of the mushroom fountain and kids laughter and the thwack of golf balls and the smell of popcorn and burgers grilling – and said, “I am going to miss this so much.”
I see it everywhere…running into mom friends at the mall Oh, are you back to school shopping? Us too. CAN’T WAIT FOR THE KIDS TO GO BACK! and I nod and agree that yes, my kids are getting bored and lazy but in my head I’m thinking no no no I am nowhere near ready. Sure, it will be nice to not be breaking up fights all day long. And I swear to God I’m going to need therapy to deal with the amount of times a day Gabey has complained that he’s “bored”. But, no.
I see the cute little things everyone is posting on Facebook, such as an orangutan dancing wildly with the cute little caption, “Moms On The First Day of School”. And its cute and catchy but no. I cannot relate.
I’ve written up our little whiteboard calendar for September. Color coded each kid’s soccer practices and games. Have written in when I have photo shoots and chiropractor appointments. I’ve typed up a “weekly schedule” as a reminder to everyone (ahem, Gabe) which nights we have karate, soccer, and which nights have the highest likelihood of the 4 of us eating dinner together. I’m currently searching online for crockpot recipes to keep on hand because its the only way my kids are going to eat dinner outside of the realm of chicken nuggets and pizza. And while organization and planning excites me like nothing else….I’m just. No.
This is what I want to be doing. I said early in summer one night, dining on the patio at our club with my girlfriend, sipping an extra glass of wine in the extended daylight when really both of us needed to go home (oh wait, no we didn’t Summertime!) that “I just want to wine and dine in the summertime all year round.” I know this isn’t real life. I know we must return to responsibility and schedules and enforced bedtimes and I probably have to stop drinking wine on my patio nightly, staying up late each night just to soak it in…
So, no. When everyone says they’re ready for the kids to go back, bored, looking forward to fall and campfires and football and cooler weather I’m over here like…no. I’m already mourning summer and there are still a few days left. I realized this morning that today is really kind of the “last” day as we have the weekend, and then 2 days in which other things that aren’t fun or frolic need to happen, and then the first day back is next Wed. So today is it, and we can’t do anything really memorable or big because I hired a landscape guy to come do some maintenance work as an anniversary present for my husband (best wife ever) and I want to be here while he is here. So, today will be hanging at home. Nothing “special” and nothing “celebratory” to commemorate what has unbelievably come to end, already.
And I know that its not the total end. There are still plenty of warm nights left. I don’t need to pack up my flip flops yet, and the pool will remain open until the middle of September. But its dying down and ending and as with every year I have such a sense of profound sadness. How many more years is Gabey going to be into doing “stuff” with his mom? He will be NINE next time this season rolls around. How many more years until he’s a surly kid who doesn’t want to do anything? How many more summers until Stella is off and running with friends at the pool? I will probably start working again this year….so was this my last summer with complete and total freedom? Will I never again have the luxury of waking and going about the day at my leisure?
And so, Summer 2015 encompassed a beach trip, a cabin trip, various lake adventures, all but 1 Sunday spent at our beloved pool with a wonderful group of friends that, for the most part, I will likely not see most of them until next summer. Many conversations happened last Sunday of “lets make sure we get together” and “what can we do for Sunday Funday once fall starts?” The intentions are good but the fact of the matter is it most likely won’t happen. School starts (for those of us with kids), jobs resume (for those of us in the education field), and the weather turns (for those of us who hibernate). It is what it is and maybe that’s part of what makes it special….that its just those lazy, slow 12 weeks that seem to drag on and fly by all at once.
Summer, I will miss you tremendously. But until you’ve truly left, I intend to squeeze every little last bit out of you…